Reinstated Northenden Farmers Market on Palatine Road
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Farmers' Market Re-Cultivated
By Bernard Claptrap September 2007
Keen eyed Northenden residents will have noticed the publicity surrounding the re-launch of the Northenden.Net Farmers' Market. Younger readers note that it is a re-launch. The Farmers' Market was first held in the village in 1802, and is the subject of a book by Dr. Simon Shawdene – now a major series on Channel 4.
So what of the publicity? Depending on whose website you look at, the Market has been re-launched following years of campaigning by either Northenden Labour Club or by lesser-known downmarket political pressure group "The Liberal Democrats", a splinter group, I am told, of Alcoholics Anonymous. Given Labour Club's track record in the honesty department, I am therefore assuming that the market has been reinstated following a Eureka moment by some beered-up ginger Jock wannabee in a lock-in at the Farmer's Arms. The market's name is in fact, a subtle nod to the inspiration for the whole idea.
Farmers Market Disco Tent
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At present the reason is unclear but the ceremonial opening of the Farmers' Market was not carried out by Alf Morris MP. The first successful market was followed by celebrations including a disco (pictured, left) attended by celebrity lookalikes (our picture shows, from left, Jimmy Nesbit, John Travolta, plus the Cheeky Girls and Lembit Opik MP.)
The market takes place every Saturday and skillfully combines open-plan retail techniques outside Woolworths, mass hypnosis and mind control techniques at Kingdom Hall, and modern traffic light sequencing technology outside Tesco, to produce one of the most impressive examples of suburban gridlock known to man. Anyone who doesn't have a car therefore, is treated to a feast of rustic produce which has become the envy of Stockport and South Manchester. Didsbury wannabees? You're all just jealous. And you'd also better watch out because we are now capable of bringing Barlow Moor Road to a grinding halt with a single push of the button on that new Pelican crossing at the end of Church Road. Aerial surveillance showing last weekend's event revealed an impressive 40,000 farm fans in attendance.
Jethro Gummidge With His Market Stall
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The new market benefits the community on a number of levels. Our increasingly beleagured local produce growers have an outlet. Our citizens have access to cabbages, tomatoes, oranges and sweetcorn which are all grown within a few yards of Palatine Road and have not been shipped in from Cambodia by a faceless retail Goliath. Our children are educated in the identification of actual vegetables and encouraged not to shoplift by the availability of cheese. It's a fantastic example of progress and represents a huge step forward for our community.
We interviewed stall holder Jethro "Muckspreader" Gummidge, who has been a South Manchester farmer for sixteen years. Jethro is the latest in a long line of local produce growers who have been eagerly awaiting the reinstatement of the Farmers Market as previously, the only outlets for his produce were little-known retailers such as Tesco, Morrisons, Sainsbury's and ASDA. Mr Gummidge was extremely keen to speak to us (which makes a change) and told us "Oy foynally sold arl moy turnip moy lovely". Jethro is pictured here in front of his market stall.
Northenden.Net would like to thank Mr. Jones from Wythenshawe Civic Centre Market for contributing numerous facts and figures to our research for this article. Lee Cavanagh would also like to thank everyone at the Farmers' Market last Saturday for making our stay a pleasant one and for the best cup of coffee he has had in ages.