Competition Results - Win an ASBO
Updated April 21st 2005
Thanks to everybody who entered our unique competition last month. The prize, of course, was your very own ASBO, which was kindly donated to northenden.net by our friends on the Greater Manchester Anti-Social Behaviour Co-ordination Subcommitee. The winner is Darren Simpson from Yew Tree Lane - who actually already has 2 ASBOs of his own, already!
Here are the correct answers to the competition questions:
1. Which Burns Best? Answer C, Acapulco Gold. You can't get the grit
container to burn without filling it with petrol first. Those phone box windows
still burn if you heat them for long enough with a lighter, but the plastic in
those adverts they now have spoils the high - glue is much better.
2. Which makes the loudest noise? Answer B, the bus shelters. Curry's
shutters are loud - but you can't break the windows when they're down. As for
the scrambling bikes, it's hard to remember what they sound like when you're
riding them along stoned out of your brain.
3. Which sells for most? Answer C, the Cortinas. You can just nick them
back and sell them to someone else.
4. Best place for a Jimmy? Answer C, Heyridge Drive bus shelter. It may
resemble a huge litter bin, but it still smells OK (for now).
5. ASBO Acronym? Trick question - all of the answers are in fact,
incorrect. None of our entrants spotted this, so it didn't make a lot of
difference to the result.
Darren's winning slogan was: "I really need as ASBO because..... What's it to you, Grandad?"
Well done to Darren. He's a great kid.
Manchester Council Lights the Way
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These new street lights are bleedin' marvellous!
(Can I have one please?) Updated March 20th 2005
If you look down the page a bit you'll see our brilliant article about the new pavements over the bridge in Northern Moor... and now, over our side (Greenpark Road) too!! I'm told by my spies on the local council that Mr. Kane is having a look at doing my bit as well. This is great news!
Now. Some of you may have seen these spanking new lights they've got over there. It's bleeding marvellous. Thomas Edison might have taken the credit for inventing the thing but Manchester Council have surely finished the job. With these, you can see where you're going and they don't shine in your windows. And the good news is, that we're getting them installed starting in May. And yes, that's this May, not May-be, or May 2006.
Motorcycle (Barrier) Emptiness
Updated March 20th 2005
There's one saying "Mopeds Allowed", too...
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Now you can call me an old duffer, and some of you call me worse. But I can still read, which to me at least is some kind of proof that I'm not blind yet. I suppose it is possible though, that I did in fact hallucinate, rather than read, the article in Northenden Matters regarding the new motorcycle barrier which has been installed "at Kenworthy Lane". Why's that, Vern, I hear you ask? Well, twelve months of listening to my moaning neighbours complaining (I'm not deaf yet, either, more's the pity sometimes) about kids racing nicked bikes up and down the lane and finally, this glossy flyer clatters through the door congratulating the long suffering inhabitants of Kenworthy on the arrival of our spanking new motorcycle barrier.
Now. Some of you people may be better versed than I, in what exactly constitutes a motorcycle barrier. Can anyone who is, please do me a favour and drop me an email here at the site telling me exactly where it is then? I've walked up and down the road twice and my bloody arthritis is killing me. I'm wondering if it's already been nicked? It can't have been worth more than this lovely sign can it? Thanks!
Wayne's friend Darren outside court.
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ASBOs - It's rude not to have one
Updated March 19th 2005
Manchester has more ASBO's than anywhere else in the UK. Why are they so popular? Because, amongst the most streetwise kids, it's cool to have one. Just ask my grandson - two of his best friends are now the proud recipients of ASBOs and it seems Wayne is going mad with envy. For the benefit of the older generation, an ASBO is a modern equivalent of a knighthood - a largely meaningless token awarded to the recipient by higher authority, setting you apart from your peers. It's cheaper than a pair of trainers, and probably just as cool. Wayne's friend Darren, seen here on the right, is pictured indicating to us that he's just received his second ASBO. He's a great kid, and quite some act to live up to.
This month's Diary Competition is a real exclusive on Northenden.Net, and I have to thank Big Vinnie for swinging a favour from his friends in high places. If you answer our questions correctly, you can win your very own ASBO - a must have for any self respecting modern teenager. So, put that joint out and go and tell your kids.
Diary Competition - Win an ASBO!
Before we start, here are the answers to last month's competition, which was to win the bits which were sucked out of Big Ern's leg before his knee replacement operation:
1. Ern's bike is a Moto Guzzi 750cc. (He's getting a new one as soon as he can walk properly!)
2. Ern's granddaughter is called Kirsty - Oh, and you can check her out soon on the Diary page as we're sending her down the tattoo parlour for a bit of a makeover.
3. Vinnie and Ern fell out over Vinnie's mate Charles "borrowing" Ern's car and the ensuing discussion as to whether it was used in the Poundswick Lane DSS job or not.
Well done to Ernest Reid of Royle Green Road who appears to have won his own knee. I gather it's already been sold on EBay to a Chinese buyer.
Now. Some of you people may think that this month's competition "Win an ASBO" isn't easy. In fact, I've run it past Kirsty and her friends Cherelle and Jamelia, and they reckon it's harder than GCSE Maths. But, it's a huge prize and we know we're going to get swamped with entries for this one. So, we're making no apologies for the difficulty - consider it part of your education. Just answer these multi guess questions, plus the tie break question (sorry GCSE fans, you actually have to write something for this bit) and then email it in to us using the address on the contacts page.
1. Which of these burns the best?
A. The windows of the phone box at the end of Penarth Road (Yes, the
windows).
B. Those yellow grit containers that the council leave all over the
place.
C. A big fat roll-up full of Acapulco Gold.
2. Which of these makes the most noise?
A. Curry's window going through after chucking out time at
Friday's.
B. Taking a mallett to one of those nice new French bus
shelters on Palatine Road.
C. About half a dozen nicked scrambling
bikes racing up and down Kenworthy Lane every bloody Saturday night.
3. Which of these is worth the most as scrap?
A. A van load of those girders that they're using in the motorway
widening project.
B. The aluminium alloy cycle barriers on the
footpath at the end of Homewood Road.
C. Fourteen untaxed Ford
Cortinas from Piperhill.
4. Where's the best place for a Jimmy after Rafters chucks out?
A. Your mum's new boyfriend's flat at Rose Hill.
B.
Total's Forecourt.
C. The bus shelter at the end of Heyridge Drive
(aim into the nearest chip wrapper).
5. What does the acronym (that just means these letters, kids) ASBO stand for?
A. All Smackheads Blissed Out.
B. Alty Snobs Bog Off.
C. Argos Bling Sold Out.
And finally, complete the following phrase, which will be used to give us a good laugh. Oh, and also in the event of a tie break.
"I really need my very own ASBO because...."
Closing Date is April 20th 2005. Nice One.