Path Finer: Greenpark & Homewood
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Street improvements edge closer
Updated February 10th 2005
No sooner than I bemoan the council's decision to revamp the pavements in Northern Moor whilst those over here are in dire need of attention, than Greenpark Road and Yewtree Lane (both at the Homewood Rd end) are invaded by the diggers to replace pavements and curbstones. This is great news. Granted it's not Kenworthy Lane but it's getting there. Perhaps someone at the council is reading my articles.
8-balls-up: Can you dig it?
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Some things never change though, like the predictability of roadworks. I've already bet Ern a tenner that we'll see these new pavements dug up by the gas board within 6 months of being finished. In Northern Moor, they won't have to wait that long though. Something which wasn't mentioned in the notably self-congratulatory newsletter which Lee seems hell-bent on devoting most of the Northenden.net bandwidth to (and whose name I won't mention... again...) is that apparently all the street lights are to be moved, meaning lots more digging and plenty of cabling work.
The picture on the left shows a position marker for one of the new lamp posts, marked out on the recently completed new pavement surface, next to the new curb stone. Good to see that forward planning is well up to the usual standards then.
Whilst I'm having a go at all these electioneering newsletters which are going around (and I'm completely impartial, by the way, so come on you Liberals, let's see you, come and have a go) did anyone notice the picture of the bloke from the council "inspecting the nice new pavement" in part of the road where it hadn't been done yet? Hmm.
We're screwed: Big Ern's knee
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Big Ern's back in action!
Updated February 1st 2005
The threadbare state of the diary over the last 6 weeks has been partly due to the absence of newshound Big Ern, who has been in hospital having a knee replacement operation. All seems to have gone exceedingly well and Ern's already walking about with a couple of sticks although he's not thrilled with me referring to Ethel and Kirsty like that. Big Ern's surgeon, Doctor Kazbah, says the operation was such a success that he hopes it will be the first of many. Ern himself is looking forward to at least another two such operations; it never ceases to amaze me, this guy's bravery - although I suspect it has more to do with him wanting to get the motorbike back out of the garage!
I know you're all dying to know what Ern's operation was all about, and Ern's told me about it in painful detail (as well as bringing me a jar of the bits - see this months competition). I'm too squeamish to type it though. As some of you will know, our site manager Big Vinnie has done quite a few "knee replacement operations" but he's promised to stay out of my way. As soon as Ern's feeling up to writing about it, you will be the first to know!
Remains of Big Ern's old knee
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Diary Competition - February 2005
Updated February 2nd 2005
I thought we were asking for trouble with last month's competition which was:
Which famous people would you like to see using our facilities in the village and why?
I was, of course, right. We got no serious answers and quite a lot of stuff we couldn't print. The prize was a Val Doonican album, and I was tempted to keep it. Sorry to everyone who suggested Hugh Grant, but I am going to send it to the person who suggested Jamie Theakston. You know who you are, I'm not printing your full answer, but I believe that you fully deserve the prize. I'm thinking of sending Vinnie round to deliver it and make sure that you listen to it all the way through!
This month, we're offering readers an exclusive - a chance to win the pieces of Ern's knee which were sucked out before his knee replacement operation. Just answer the following questions about Ern, the answers to which you will know if you're a keen observer of northenden.net!
- What sort of motorbike does Big Ern drive? (we want the make and the model please)
- What is the name of Big Ern's granddaughter Kirsty?
- Why did Big Ern stop talking to Vinnie for 2 months last year?
Email your answers into us using the email link. In the event of a tie, we will split the prize - there are 2 jars full of knee remains. It may however also help if you give us a couple of lines saying why you really want to win the prize! If there are no correct answers received by March 1st, then we'll put in on eBay as originally intended, so you may still be in with a chance of winning it there. Good luck!
Ironic - Big Vern's Roof
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I'm getting bleedin' sick of this weather I am!
Updated January 29th 2005
If you check out the Northenden.net features page this month, there are some pictures on there which were taken by Lee and Adam of the damage caused by the recent storms. At the time, I had a word in Lee's ear because I didn't think a story about the wind blowing down a couple of trees would interest many people. Adam seemed to agree with me (lazy little layabout didn't want to go out taking pictures of trees and can't say I blamed him). But Lee's bigger than me, and I'm not just talking sideways, so he wasn't so easy to shift on the matter. Actually, he's not easy to shift full stop. Well, maybe if you got a bulldozer.
Now. Some of you will know that this argument set me a little on edge, especially as I was looking forward to the impending trip with the South Lancs Senior Evergreens Golden Retirement Sunshine Guild to look at the Crimean war memorial in Little Titherington. But imagine my extreme displeasure to discover on my return from said jaunt that this bloody tree had blown right through my bleeding roof. So, it was with acute embarrassment plus a large slice of humble pie that I called Lee round here with his camera to take a picture of it. I also had the pleasure of his gloating company while we waited for the council to come round and put it right (pictured). I guess you can call that irony or something.
Doris and the boys
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Diary Competition
Updated December 20, 2004
Last month residents were called to a meeting to comment on usage of the area of grassland between Kenworthy Lane and Homewood Road. We asked you for suggestions - offering as usual, an enviable incentive available nowhere else: an afternoon with me and Big Ern in the Church Rooms. The winner was Doris Garnett, pictured here with us at the Church Rooms.
Doris' prize winning suggestion for the most original use of the land at the end of Kenworthy Lane was:
"Why don’t they concrete over the grass and build loads of flats!".
This month's competition is:
V.D. - Fat Chance
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Recently a number of celebrities have been spotted in the village, attracted no doubt by our unrivalled selection of fast food eateries and opticians. Which famous people would you like to see using our facilities in the village and why?
Most original/amusing answer wins this month's prize which is a signed copy of Big Vern's favourite album "Young at Heart" by Val Doonican. Answers to the usual email address please; just put "competition" or something similar in the subject line.
Who Torched My Bleedin Boozer - Part 1
Updated November 25, 2004
Ern - Karaoke King
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You will recall from earlier editions of Diary that Big Ern has been a long-standing patron of The Jolly Carter and was among the more vociferous of the campaigners opposed to its demolition. As if the prospect of having to go to Woodhouse Park to find a pub with a half decent karaoke isn't bad enough, the quality of the women down there is being blamed for Ern's medication having to be upped.
Now. Some of you people know that Big Ern likes to take a couple of weeks off around December and soak up the sun on the Costa B with the South Lancs Senior Evergreens Golden Retirement Sunshine Guild. It is to our extreme disgust to find, on his return, that not only is the slappers' cacophony still in full swing, but the memory of the Carter, Ern's watering hole since a young man, has been ruined by some disrespectful yob setting fire to the wreckage. Don't be surprised to find Ern and myself, and my godson Vinnie, sniffing around the village to find out who's responsible. Vinnie for one, is not a happy man. To be continued.
Wythenshawe Weaves Wicked Web
Updated November 22, 2004
Wythenshawe Forum
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I hope you were all at this Wythit.com launch last Friday. I certainly was. I won plenty of prizes, plenty of games, and I got absolutely smashed.
Wythit.com is a new website, devoted to life in Wythenshawe. In time, there will be a full range of services and links to organisations throughout the area. We've already found it indispensible - Vern and I we were out of our skulls for free even before the Legion opened. Full marks to Wythit.com for their hospitality; and thanks for laying on the taxi back to Northenden.
Those of you who've visited the site already will have seen that there's a certain amount of content to be added; and yes, Vern and Yours Truly were consulted. But don't worry - we're not going anywhere. We've turned down job offers from bigger fish than Wythit.com!
Visit Wythit.com here.Flats the Wonder of Woolies
Updated November 15, 2004
Woolies Access Road
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What the heck's been going on behind Woolies? Vern read in one of our esteemed local papers that the area of land behind the shops - the service road and the area of waste ground to the west of this road - is to be redeveloped. Well that's great guys, but do we really need yet another block of flats?!
I don't spend a lot of time in this part of the village, but it's well known to my grandson Wayne and his friends, who are keen footballers and use the service road to practice their soccer skills (They refer to it as their "scoring ground"). He certainly wouldn't want to see his leisure facilities turned into an access road for yet another block of flats for students or City yuppies!
Wayne and his friends didn't want to be quoted, but their disenchantment is clear. What we're seeing here is the continual trend whereby the privileged few encroach on the rights of the majority. In short, money talks and the likes of our Wayne can sling their hooks.