Election: Both parties promise to "Clean Up"
Focus on The Rose: Northenden Election P&P
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By Johnny Mare Political Editor, March 2006
Those of you who pay attention to local issues, and are therefore regular readers of Northenden.NET, will have noticed that it's local election time once again. Recent weeks have seen increased publicity by both parties who have entered candidates in the Northenden Ward local election. These are of course, Labour Club who will as usual romp to a massive victory, and also a lesser known downmarket left-wing party "The Liberal Democrats".
Most of you will probably be unaware that the Liberal Democrats have a modest national presence and are sometimes mentioned on television and in some of the tabloids. On a national scale however, the Lib Dems have been rocked with booze and sex scandals, for which there is never any excuse, especially when the perpetrators are in the public eye. Now everyone knows that the newspapers are completely unbiased in coverage of the main parties, and in fact, Mr. Campbell has told them to reiterate it only this morning. Therefore senior Lib Dems cannot realistically expect to get away with this sort of carry-on any more than the government could. The government, on the other hand, has maintained an exemplary record of decorum in the media. Accusations of Labour in-fighting, incompetence, gross irresponsibility with public money, illegal global warmongering, sleaze, selling peerages for cash, continuing to allow key health workers to be made redundant, releasing foreign prisoners from English prisons without so much as considering deporting them, and of course who could forget Mr. Prescott's secretary - have been swiftly brushed aside and are therefore completely unfounded nonsense.
That's the national picture though. What matters in the local elections are the local issues. Northenden.NET is THE defacto source of local information and has of course been hard at work on your behalf, examining the parties' campaigns.
Publicity War: Labour Club vs. Lib Dems
First up is the publicity war. Labour has improved the quality of its magazine The Rose from a crappy photocopied newsletter, to a glossy broadsheet. The Lib Dems strategy seems to be quantity rather than quality - with an edition of Northenden Focus being delivered at least once a month. Here Labour's complacency in such a safe seat is beginning to show through however. The Rose is still being delivered by the bloke with the flyers from the kebab shop, whilst Northenden Focus was either delivered by the councillors themselves, or in our case, a nice young lady who'd obviously never dished up a kebab in her life. Result for the Lib Dems there then.
Election Campaign Issues
The Lib Dems are concentrating on a range of issues including police resources, post office closures, council tax rises, overdevelopment, knife crime and of course litter and graffiti in the village. Labour's extremely promising ID card scheme is branded a pointless waste of money which would have been better spent on more police. The Lib Dems claim that plans to build 1800 new flats on the Mobil site is an example of overdevelopment and are taking a stand against that.
Apart from a mention of something called "Parkway Green" - a nebulous project related to housing which none of us can quite understand the point of but it's obviously a massive success - Labour Club's election literature sets everyone's minds at rest from this vicious Liberal scaremongering. There is no need to mention the ID cards scheme (any intelligent readers will know that it is in fact, destined to be the saviour of modern society and will cost so much that cream-skimming will be totally undetectable, like the NHS computer system). There is a nice picture of a couple of coppers, so there's nothing to worry about in that area. There is a big picture of your councillor standing in front of a post office. So, nothing to worry about. And as for the Mobil flats, just imagine how much less of a boost to the economy it would have been if the sign with "Wythenshawe" on it hadn't been moved! So there you go. Case closed - vote Labour.
It's a two horse race
Both parties play the race card
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Both sets of publicity clearly point out that it's either Labour - or maybe it isn't. Simple enough? Actually, it would appear not. According to downmarket Left Wing Liberal newsletter "The Northenden Focus", it's either Labour or the Lib Dems, as the Lib Dems need only 10 more seats to run the council. This is clearly rubbish! As quality Labour publication The Rose points out, it's either Labour or the Tories (who?) So, whether you put your garish "Labour Club" poster in the window or, like everyone on Mersey Bank last election, you prefer not to admit to it - vote Labour and make sure the Tories (who?) don't take over the Manchester council. It could happen, you know. Really it could. And wouldn't that be awful. People might have to start working for a living!
Who's telling the truth? Who cares!
And so to the campaign issues. How about the poll tax for a start. According to The Northenden Focus there would be NO rise in council tax under the Lib Dems, whilst Labour, for the second consecutive year would introduce a £26 rise in the charge. The truth though, as clearly articulated in The Rose, is that the rise under Lib Dems would be 5% compared to Labour's paltry 2.5% rise - implying that the Lib Dems would actually increase the charge by £52 (Isn't spin wonderful?). Which leaves me with only one question. How on earth do Labour Club manage to keep us all fed and housed AND empty the bins too, on next to nothing? Amazing, I'm sure you'll agree. Looks like our instincts were right then. Nice work Labour Club - come on you Lib Dems, sort your act out!
The Lib Dem Graffiti Team in action
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The state of our village
The state of the village seems to be a major talking point and both parties have picked up on this during their election publicity. Of course such menial tasks as cleaning up graffiti, picking up litter and shifting fridges out of council tenants' gardens are way beneath the Labour club - but why bother when you've got a tame Liberal Dem party who will do all the grunt work for you?
I'm very pleased to be able to tell you that once again, the Lib Dems have set up a team to clean the place up, and a recent edition of The Northenden Focus clearly shows key party members hard at it. So if you have any rubbish which needs shifting give the Lib Dems a call and they will get it sorted. The same goes for graffiti. When we spotted this young tearaway in our picture, we reported his antics immediately and we are eagerly awaiting the Lib Dems coming to clean it up.
Holmes / Cowell : Separated at birth?
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Secret Smear Campaign
We have been informed by an insider at the Conservative Headquarters at Kells nightclub in Hale Barns that a desperate Tory plan to undermine Labour may be executed before the local elections. Despite the Tories completely ignoring fighting Manchester constituencies as a pointless exercise, it's possible that they will drop the shock allegation to the media - that national hate figure Eamonn Holmes has been moonlighting as a Labour councillor. The Tories believe the revelations will switch the allegiance of every Labour voting Manchester City fan in the area. This may well be the case - but it's not likely to switch them to the Tories, is it? And as for Eamonn? Have a look at our picture and judge for yourself. No-one's ever seen them in the same room.